Coping with Bipolar Disorder: A Letter to My Spouse
By NCVC Staff | Published on Oct 20, 2023
Dear my love,
I’ve often shared with you a bipolar quote that always manages to make me cringe and chuckle simultaneously. “Bipolar – good in bed, hard to live with.” While it may sound amusing, it holds some truth, at least in part.
Living with bipolar disorder has made me challenging to coexist with at times. Our love languages differ, making it difficult for me to express my emotions. My mental illness often clouds my thoughts, affecting my ability to think clearly and logically. However, I hope that by writing this letter, I can shed light on how we can leverage each love language to enhance our communication in the future.
Physical Touch: The Power of Connection
One of the symptoms of bipolar disorder includes moments of mania and hypersexuality. Physical touch has always played a significant role in our relationship, keeping us close and intimate.
During my manic or spiraling episodes, it may seem like I’m pushing you away. However, deep down, I long for your embrace. I need you to hold me tightly, reminding me that “Yes, this too shall pass.”
Acts of Service: Support in Times of Darkness
When I’m filled with energy during a manic phase, I’m more than happy to handle all the household chores, easing your load. I’ll cook, clean, and even rearrange the house spontaneously on a sunny Sunday morning.
But when I find myself in the depths of depression, everything changes. There are days when I lack the strength to even get out of bed. It’s during these moments that I need you and your acts of service more than ever.
I appreciate how you take the kids on long trips, giving me a much-needed break. I’m grateful for your efforts in handling school pickups and drop-offs when I’m overwhelmed. And you know what brings me the most joy? Your unwavering support and the love you pour into helping me navigate through the darkness. Your acts of service truly lighten my load and help me find my footing again.
Quality Time: Cherishing Every Moment
With four kids, finding quality time for one another can be a challenge. However, I’m starting to realize that it’s the small moments that truly matter. It’s the fragments of time we steal away from our busy lives that make everything worthwhile.
My mood disorder takes me on a rollercoaster ride of emotions. But when I’m stable and genuinely happy, those fleeting moments are precious. Instead of dwelling on feelings of discontent, I strive to hold onto the beautiful memories we create during our quality time together.
Receiving Gifts: Love Beyond Material Things
My manic episodes often lead to overspending. Guilt and the desire to self-soothe through shopping have driven me to buy extravagant gifts for you and the kids. While I know you appreciate these gestures, I also understand that you value responsible spending more than grand presents.
So how can I express my love through gifts without going overboard? This letter serves as a perfect example. I hope its contents translate into an understanding of just how much I love and appreciate you.
Love doesn’t have to come with a hefty price tag. Some of my most cherished gifts are the flowers the kids picked for me while playing outside. I adore the sticky notes you leave on the mirror, reminding me of your love. Even the practical gifts, like the items on our grocery list, bring me immense joy during moments of despair when bipolar disorder threatens to overpower my life.
Words of Affirmation: The Power of Validation
Words of affirmation hold a special place in my heart. Perhaps it’s due to past traumas or simply a personal trait, but I’ve always needed verbal reassurances as a reminder of your love. Unfortunately, this sometimes leads to disagreements between us since words aren’t your strong suit.
However, words can also inflict pain, a truth I know too well while living with bipolar disorder. I apologize for the moments when I don’t have complete control over what comes out of my mouth during manic or agitated states. Not all mania is euphoric and joyful; sometimes, I struggle to manage my emotions and inadvertently hurt the people I love the most.
I’m sorry for not being everything you want all the time. I apologize for my moments of crumbling under the weight of depression. Understand that it’s not a choice but a battle I sincerely cannot conquer alone. Nevertheless, please know that my love for you knows no bounds.
In conclusion, my dear, this letter serves as a testament to my commitment to navigate through the challenges of bipolar disorder with you. Let’s embrace our love languages as tools for better communication, understanding, and support. Together, we can build a strong foundation that withstands the unpredictable winds of mental illness.
With all my love,