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    How important is it to be physically attracted to your partner?

    By NCVC Staff | Published on Sep 22, 2023

    In the ever-evolving world of dating, the rules of romance have shifted. Long gone are the days of stolen glances and smiles as the main means of communication. Nowadays, people have the luxury of choosing their partners through dating apps, where a simple swipe right introduces them to a pool of potential matches.

    If we’re being honest, physical appearance is often the first thing we consider when evaluating someone’s potential as a partner. In the realm of dating apps, it can be a decisive factor in determining whether we’ll go on that first date or swipe left altogether.

    So, how important is physical attraction in a relationship? And what if we don’t initially feel that attraction? First and foremost, there’s no need to worry if the initial spark isn’t there. Women, in particular, are wired differently. As their emotional attachment to someone grows, physical attraction tends to follow suit.

    Physical chemistry, that instant spark we feel with someone, is like a magnet pulling us closer. It’s purely based on appearance and doesn’t take into account personality traits, shared goals, or anything else. However, let’s face it, real-life love stories don’t always mimic what we see in movies, where love at first sight is the norm.

    Physical Attraction: Important, but Not Everything

    Pop culture has led many to believe that appearance is everything, but in truth, it’s just the first step. A strong and healthy relationship isn’t solely based on looks; it revolves around how a person behaves.

    Real attraction encompasses various aspects, including physical, emotional, and spiritual connections, as well as friendship and other qualities. These factors contribute to building a secure bond. Therefore, it’s crucial to focus on these aspects rather than limiting the relationship to mere physical attributes.

    Research suggests that we don’t seek partners who are extremely attractive, but rather those who are attractive enough. A study conducted by Griffin and Langlois found that the absence of attractiveness was associated with negative qualities, while moderate attractiveness was necessary to foster positive associations.

    Assessing Your Attraction Levels

    If your feelings towards your current partner don’t change over time, you might need to take a closer look at your relationship. Feeling attracted to other people doesn’t necessarily mean there’s something wrong with you; it could be a sign that you need to make a decision about your current relationship.

    Conversely, if you find yourself not being attracted to anyone at all, consider exploring underlying medical conditions. It’s possible that you’ve experienced a loss of sexual desire unrelated to your partner. Factors such as hormonal birth control pills, antidepressants, depression, stress, and anxiety can all affect libido. In such cases, seeking advice from a physician is advisable.

    Addressing Resentment Towards Your Partner

    Lack of physical chemistry with your partner could be a result of repressed anger towards them. Identifying the cause of this anger may not be instant, but by analyzing your relationship, you can uncover the underlying issues. These repressed feelings can significantly affect your attraction towards your partner.

    It might be beneficial to involve a counselor to help in identifying and addressing your resentment. Emotional betrayals or lack of consent could have contributed to this change. It’s essential to understand your emotions and find a solution that works best for both of you.

    Lingering Attraction to an Ex

    It’s not uncommon for people who were previously involved in a passionate relationship to still feel lingering attraction towards their exes, even after entering a new relationship. This could be a reason why you don’t feel attracted to your current partner. Focusing your energy on your ex makes it challenging to move forward.

    To resolve these feelings, you can try reducing or cutting all contact with your ex. Alternatively, you can evaluate whether giving the relationship another shot is worth considering. If you choose to be with your current partner, investing your energy in strengthening your relationship is crucial.

    Honesty is Key

    If you’ve exhausted all other options and still find yourself struggling with attraction, it’s vital to have an open and honest conversation with your partner. Chances are, they have sensed that something is amiss, and addressing it openly is only fair. While the conversation may be difficult, discussing your feelings is essential in nurturing a deeper physical connection.

    Remember, ladies, a relationship isn’t solely about looks, but a strong physical connection can undoubtedly make it stronger.

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